


The Dreaded Transformers Lemons

by Zoombow



Category: Transformers, Transformers: Prime
Genre: H - Freeform, M/M, Oh god, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, What Have I Done, hobiaoibhsio, houbobuh, i probably got all of the characters wrong, i probably got optimus’s character wrong, in tarnation, knock out being a generally sexy butt, like what, megatron being a smelly butt, oh yeah breakdown is dead btw, read this fic if you crave death, soundwave being...soundwave, starscream being a stupid butt, there’s actually some weird character development or some shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-02 13:02:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14545326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoombow/pseuds/Zoombow
Summary: hiusiuhoobius don’t read this if you want to live i swear to god





	1. Megatron x Optimus Prime

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry if you wanted something good

Megatron awoke with a start. It was abnormal of him to wake up at such an abnormal hour. He groaned and sat up from his berth, unable to go back into recharge.  
He didn’t feel normal. He didn’t feel normal at all. There was something stuck between his...legs.  
Megatron looked down and flinched. No. No. No no no no nonononono—why him? What the hell?  
There was a lemon. A lemon stuck between his legs. No-not one lemon. _Two_ lemons. No, scrap, there’s three!   
He lost count. There were so many lemons stuck between his legs. He had no idea what to do. Where did they come from? Why are they between his legs? Who did this?  
Then he remembered last night. The mech that he banged the hell out of.  
“ **PRIME!** ” Megatron screeched, his scream going through all of the halls of Nemesis. It probably woke up everyone, too, but who cares? Not him.   
***~*~***  
Optimus Prime heard the unmistakable loud thumping of Megatron’s steps. How was Megatron here? When did Optimus even tell him where their base was? Oh, right, when they banged last night, he invited Megatron to his berth, so obviously he remembered how to get to the Autobot base.  
He just walked right in. That’s right. Megatron is rude and he doesn’t even knock, the aft. Who the hell doesn’t knock? Megatron. Fragging Megatron doesn’t knock because he’s rude and doesn’t respect your privacy. You could be in the middle of playing a very serious game of chess with your friend and he’ll just walk right in without asking and you didn’t pay attention and now you lost your game of chess because Megatron distracted you with his huge butt. Goddamnit, Megatron.  
“Megatron?” Optimus asked, confused. He didn’t turn around to face Megatron, though. Why? There were lemons. The lemons were stuck in his optics. _There were lemons inside his optics, damnit._   
“You should know very well why I’m here, Prime,” Megatron said, his voice low. Optimus shook his head.  
“I’m afraid not,” he said. “You didn’t even knock—“  
“Does that even matter?” Megatron yelled. “There are lemons stuck between my legs and I have no clue why! Do you mind explaining _that_ , Prime?”  
Oh. Ohhhhhhh. Megatron had the same problem as Optimus did. They both had lemons stuck inside them and they didn’t know why. Prime slowly turned around to face Megatron, revealing the lemons stuck in his optics. He’d been trying to get them out all morning, but Ratchet was busy and Optimus’s fingers were too big for the lemons.  
Megatron gasped like how a robot would gasp, which sounded like an elephant just stepped on an accordion. But it’s mostly because this is Megatron, and he just really needs a cough drop. “I...I bet you stuck the lemons in your optics to make yourself seem innocent! You aren’t fooling me, Prime!”  
“Why would I ever gets lemons stuck in inside you?” he asked. “What could have benefited from that? I cannot see, Megatron. The lemons are stuck in my eyes. This is extremely painful for me.”  
Megatron growled. “I will not pity you. Tell me, why have you shoved lemons between my legs?”  
Optimus sighed. “It isn’t me.”  
Somehow, Megatron knew that Prime was telling the truth. He angrily sighed, which sounded like that the accordion that the elephant stepped on was slowly coming back to life, but the accordion sounded like there was something stuck inside, stopping it from sounding right. What was stuck in the accordion, one might ask?  
Lemons. Lemons were in the accordion.  
Megatron angrily left the Autobot base in defeat, transforming and flying back up to Nemesis.  
***~*~***  
He sat in his berth, his head in his hands. Deep down he knew that Optimus wasn’t the evil lemon man, but then who else would it be? Then he realized.  
He screamed out again, probably waking up everyone from the afternoon nap that required them all to have because he was secretly acting like their dad and wanted them all happy. That’s a lie. He just does that to make sure none of them have that much time to plot, but there’s a certain mech who can plot _in their fragging sleep_. The name that he screamed.  
“ **STARSCREAM!** ”   
***~*~***  
Starscream flinched awake at the sound of his name being called. It was by that recognizable voice. Who wouldn’t know that voice, anyway?  
He slowly got up, fearing what could be coming. He’d been good this week! Sort of. In the best way he could be good because he’s Starscream so being good is kind of hard. What had he done now?  
Starscream walked to Megatron’s quarters slowly. He arrived sooner than he would have liked. He knocked once because he at least had he decency to do so. I mean, it wasn’t three times, but at least he knocked. Even Starscream can knock, Megatron. Try fixing your manners.  
The door to Megatron’s room opened, and he walked in, scared. What Starscream did not expect to see was a bunch of lemons sticking out from between his legs. He held back his laughter. Starscream didn’t know who stuck lemons inside their lord, but it was hilarious to see the angry 30 foot tall robot with lemons stuck between his legs.  
Megatron turned around to face him. “You find this funny?” Starscream shook his head, but his expression said otherwise. Megatron’s expression got darker. “Of course you find your own plot against me hilarious, Starscream. Though I don’t know how this would be beneficial... I suggest you explain so your punishment will possibly be not as bad.”  
Now Starscream sort of understood. Megatron thought he was the evil lemon man. But how would he benefit from this? There is literally no point in this. It just gets Megatron angry and Starscream punished.  
“Why, Lord Megatron,” started Starscream, “there is no benefit from this! What could I possibly gain by angering you with a fruit from earth?”  
“You have your own strange reasons, Starscream,” Megatron replied. “Because Prime himself woke up with lemons stuck in his optics. I could understand that. Now my enemy cannot see. Though, why me, Starscream? And why would you put them between my legs of all places?”  
“My liege, I didn’t do it!”  
“I don’t believe that for a second, Starscream,” Megatron growled. He raised his fist to Starscream’s face.


	2. Knock Out x Starscream x Breakdown’s dead body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lemons continue

“What a beautiful—OW!” Knock Out yelled, rubbing his aft that had been suddenly engulfed in excruciating pain. “What the frag?” He was going to compliment the day like a cheesy cartoon husband even though he just woke up so there was nothing to really compliment. Secretly, though, Knock Out _was_ a cheesy cartoon husband. To Starscream. And Breakdown’s dead body, which was in the garage. Oh yeah, they have a garage now.   
Getting up from his berth, Knock Out walked to a mirror that had been conveniently placed there. He turned around to look at his aft but there was nothing there. It just hurt. But it felt like something was _in there._   
He grabbed a pair of cybertronian-sized plastic tweezers and just _shoved it right up his fragging aft._ **Directly up his butt. He just shoved giant plastic tweezers up his butt without even taking an x-ray yet. He’s hardcore. Not even Megatron would do that.** Actually, never mind, he probably would. In fact, he’d be super turned on by that and would probably get off to it.  
Knock Out screeched in pain and his yell echoed throughout all of Nemesis, but no one cared because they all woke up and were playing Minecraft.  
The tweezers caught onto something and Knock Out pulled it out. Knock Out couldn’t believe what he had pulled out of his handsome aft.  
It was a lemon.  
He didn’t think he would be a victim, and yet here he was, staring at the lemon covered in energon that he had just ripped directly out of his anus. He wanted to cry, but Breakdown’s corpse would divorce him for that and Starscream would cheat on him with Megatron again.  
Knock Out’s aft still hurt. A lot. All he could do is stare at the energon-covered lemon in despair. Who would do this?  
 ***~*~***  
Starscream still hurt from when Megatron had punished him when he woke up. He went to his Xbox 360 and turned on Minecraft. He kept building his house made of dirt blocks until he heard a screech from Knock Out’s room. Deciding not to care even though that was his husband, he continued making his house.  
Suddenly, he passed out. When he woke up again his chassis fell heavy. Strangely heavy. Starscream went to med. bay and saw Knock Out crying on the floor.  
“I’ll cheat on you again if you don’t stop!” Starscream yelled at him.  
Knock Out flinched and looked up at Starscream. “Oh, Starscream, thank Primus you’re here! There are lemons _in my ass!_ ”  
“What?” Starscream exclaimed. “I don’t marry people with lem-“ Abruptly, Starscream fell on the floor due to the weight of his chassis and landed on top of Knock Out.  
“If you’re horny, now is not the time, Herr Kommandant.”  
“SHUT UP!” Starscream screamed. “My chassis is heavy, afthole! That’s why I’m here!”  
“Am I going to have to x-ray you again?”  
Starscream nodded. Knock Out groaned in annoyance.  
 ***~*~***  
“Yep, it’s lemons,” Knock Out said. Starscream flinched.  
“No! It can’t be!” He said. “X-ray it again!”  
“That would be at least the 50th time, commander.”  
Starscream lived up to his name, and screamed so loud it reached the stars. Knock Out covered his ears or whatever the hell you call robot ears. Starscream’s scream woke up everyone from Megatron’s mandatory afternoon nap. He just kept screaming. There was no end. Knock Out cover3d his mouth with his hand but he didn’t stop so he just _shoved his fragging fist in Starscream’s mouth,_ but Starscream bit it.  
“Starscream!” Knock Out angrily said. “You’re going to make Megatron come over here!” At those words, Starscream shut up. Knock Out sighed. “We should check on Breakdown!”  
“I suppose...”  
 ***~*~***  
“I can’t believe it!” Knock Out cried in horror. “Not Breakdown too!”  
Breakdown’s entire body was stuffed full with lemons. Lemons only. Because he was dead, his entire body was able to be filled with lemons. Lemons were sticking out of his eyes, mouth, armpits, everywhere. It was horrifying. Who would ever do this?  
“So is he...” Starscream started, “dead? Like, really dead? Deader than before?”  
“Maybe!”  
They both sobbed in each other’s arms at the awful scene. Who had these cursed lemons? Why were they doing this? It’s awful! Both of them knew that Megatron and Optimus were lemon victims. Megatron had come to med. bay to get the lemons out, but they were so lodged in there, he could only get out a few.   
Speaking of Megatron... “ **STARSCREAM!** ”   
Starscream sighed and sadly let go of Knock Out. He began to walk out of the garage when he turned around to look at Knock Out sadly. He mouthed a ‘bye’ and walked out, leaving Knock Out to mourn the second-death-but-not-really of Breakdown alone.  
He wanted to find the evil lemon man. He had to get vengeance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was oddly sad wtf


	3. i don’t even know what ship this would be. maybe megatron x starscream i don’t know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> t........trust????????????????????????

“They won’t budge!” Ratchet said, trying to get the lemons out of Optimus’s eyes. “I can’t get a single one out! Whoever did this must be really good at getting things stuck.”  
Optimus sighed. “That’s all right, old friend.”  
“No, it’s not all right! You can’t see!”  
“I will find a way to get through this,” Optimus said, standing up. He knew that no one on his team would sabotage him with lemons. So it must have been a Decepticon.  
Right?  
The thought that it might not be disturbed him, so he tried not to think about it too much. Optimus began thinking about how many lemons must be stuck in his eyes. He was a giant robot. There could be hundreds of lemons!  
Could this be one of the humans, thinking it was a harmless prank, but didn’t know how much they got the lemons stuck? But Megatron had lemons, and the humans hadn’t even _seen_ the mech in months. Optimus was pretty sure that Starscream probably had lemons, too.  
He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a yell. It sounded female.  
Arcee.  
She ran into the room Optimus and Ratchet were in before either of them could go to check on her.  
“There are _lemons_ in my _ARMS!_ ” Arcee exclaimed, pointing to the few that stuck out.  
“You’re not alone!” Bulkhead said, walking into the room in a strange way. “They’re in my _feet!_ ”  
“Those damn ‘cons!” Arcee growled. “Where the hell do they even get these stupid things?”  
“Does that even matter?” Ratchet asked. “We just need to get them out before we need to fight anyone!”  
There was frantic and worried beeping heard when Bumblebee entered.  
“Not you too!” Bulked groaned. “In your _head_ ” Bumblebee nodded. Arcee angrily grumbled under her breath and Ratchet put his head in his hands, annoyed with the entire situation.  
Optimus looked at his distressed team and sighed. “I am unsure what the Decepticons would gain from this...but Ratchet is right. We must get rid of these lemons before anything else.”  
***~*~***  
Megatron beat Starscream up because Starscream had beat him in Fortnite. Megatron was a sore loser. So was Starscream. But Megatron broke Starscream’s Xbox 360 so now he’s worse.  
Starscream ordered a Vehicon to buy him a new Xbox, and so the Vehicon did.  
He was playing on his new Xbox when Megatron called for him again. Though it wasn’t as angry this time.  
Curious and scared, he got up, walking out of his room. He found that Megatron was waiting for him impatiently, but not tapping-his-foot impatient because that wasn’t his thing. He said it was stupid, so Starscream started doing it out of spite.  
“Yes, Lord Megatron?” Starscream asked.  
“Meet me in the meeting room,” Megatron said and walked away. The meeting room was actually just the in the garage but with two long tables pushed together and a bunch of plastic chairs surrounding it asymmetrically. The place was barely used, and only used for storage. Like Breakdown’s corpse. The meeting room was only used for very important things.  
Like the lemon situation.  
Starscream entered the room. Megatron was sitting at the head of the table as always. Knock Out was one chair away from the chair at Megatron’s right, wearing a bow tie because it was a meeting. He looked at Starscream and smiled faintly, yet sadly, as his gaze drifted back to Breakdown’s corpse, which was sat in the chair next to Knock Out, stuffed full with lemons. Soundwave was silently there, just being there at Megatron’s left. The rest of the chairs were filled with every single Vehicon because they just had so many chairs. Starscream took a seat at Megatron’s right.  
“I assume that all of you are aware of the lemon situation?” Megatron asked, raising an optic ridge. Everyone nodded.  
You see, Knock Out was able to get the lemons out of Starscream’s chassis, but soon after, his beautiful legs had lemons stuck in them. Whoever had these lemons wanted everyone to suffer.  
“The person who is doing this is most likely an Autobot,” Megatron continued. “Most of you all now have lemons except for Soundwave. Thank god nothing happened to Soundwave. He’s basically my child.”  
Soundwave’s visor was lit up with the smiling emoticon.  
“Though, it is surprisingly possible that this annoying action might not be the Autobots,” Megatron added, “but possibly one of our own.” Some of the Vehicons gasped. “Optimus Prime himself has a lemon problem, too. It may not be an Autobot. They might be one of our own. If any of you are the culprit, I ask of you to step forward, and your death will be quick. If we find out one of you _has_ done it, it will be slow for your lying.” Megatron sent a glare in Starscream’s direction. The SiC flinched and scooted his chair an inch further away from him.  
The room was silent. No one stood up. No one confessed. Megatron glowered. “You are all dismissed.”  
Everyone quickly got up out of their seats. But not Soundwave because he was a polite son and quietly got up and left at a normal pace. Starscream was the most frantic to get out of the meeting room, not wanting Megatron to assume he was lying.  
Though, with how eager Starscream was to get out made Megatron suspicious. Honestly, though, his suspicions were reasonable. The seeker had been so quick and panicked to escape the room that it looked like he was hiding something.  
All of the Vehicons and the actually important people like Knock Out and slag left, but Starscream barely even got a foot out the door.  
“ **Starscream,** ” Megatron said, his voice low and threatening. His words were slow and balanced, which made the whole situation even worse.  
Starscream hesitantly turned around to face Megatron, his eyes wide with fear. “Yes, my liege?”  
“Why were you _soooo_ eager to leave?” The big boy asked.  
“Oh, it’s quite simple, my lord!” Starscream said, holding up a finger in a cartoony way out of habit. “I left the oven on and I needed to go turn it off! We wouldn’t want to start a fire, would we?”  
“You had dinner thirty minutes ago.”  
“Right!” the SiC’s wings dropped a tiny bit in nervousness. “I was making a...cake! And it should be done any minute now!”  
Megatron glared threateningly at him. “Don’t lie, Starscream. I can easily tell.”  
Starscream took a step back. “ _Ididn’twantyoutothinkitwasmesoIwantedtobethefirsttoleavebecauseitreallywasn’tmebutyou’llneverbelievemeandyou’lljustbeatmeupagainanyway!_ ” he sputtered at a rapid speed. Megatron could barely understand what he said because of how fast he spoke.  
Megatron sighed angrily. “Is that _really_ your best excuse?”  
“It’s not an excuse! I’m being as honest as I can be!”  
Megatron pushed him to the ground.  
“Do you _really_ want those to be your last words?” Megatron raised his fired up blaster to the seeker. Starscream habitually covered himself with his arms in useless defense.  
Suddenly, the warlord had a strange feeling. A feeling that for once, Starscream was actually telling the truth. Megatron never had this feeling. He turned off his blaster and huffed.  
Starscream felt the small heat of the blaster leave him and brought his arms back down. He looked up to see Megatron’s hand held out to him, as if to bring him back up on his feet. The warlord wasn’t looking at him, but there was something different in his eyes. Something that Starscream strangely...trusted.  
Deciding to go with trust, he took his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly you can like...make fan art of this weird thing if you want. I wouldn’t really mind, i’d just wonder why you would wanna do that...................  
> if you do make fan art though, tell me in comments or something jbshbjjkhsbjhb


	4. O H N O

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NO ONE WOULD EVER THINK THE EVIL LEMON MAN WAS...

The sacred lemon tree had just grown its new lemons. A thin, tall digit silently picked the lemons off of the tree, placing them gently in all of the baskets he brought.  
Soundwave picked of each and every lemon. The tree grew thousands in mere days. It was glorious. It was excellent.  
Excellent enough for his lemon plan.   
He had shoved lemons in all of the Vehicons while they were sleeping. They would wake up and complain to Megatron until they realized they were talking to Megatron and should probably shut up.   
Soundwave decided he should put more lemons in Megatron.   
Why would he do this? He knew he had nothing to gain. There was no vengeance or anything. So why?  
Simply because he could.   
No one would think it was him. They’d blame Starscream or the Autobots. No one would suspect the silent TiC, trusted by Megatron. Even if someone found out, they wouldn’t tell Megatron because he wouldn’t believe them.  
After picking the last lemon off of the tree, Soundwave grabbed all of the baskets and Groundbridged back to Nemesis.

**Author's Note:**

> no really im sorry if you wanted something good


End file.
